Ịjụ Ase: An Igbo Cultural Approach to Happy Marriage?

Ịjụ ase/ịjụ ese is a part of Igbo culture before marriage takes place. Over the years, this important aspect of Igbo culture has been treated with disdain and the ill-consequence is detrimentally glaring.

What is ịjụ ase? It's an inquiry or background check on the family and status of someone one wants to spend the rest of his or her life with.

I have heard women discuss about getting married to their dream men, not knowing the men have families. They are married and lied to them that they are single. The first question I ask remains: Ụnụ jụrụ àse? Did you run background check?

From ịjụ ese you will find out about men that cannot live with a woman. They marry and pursue...marry and dump.. They have problems with their head even though they have money. It's not all about money but one's happiness and sanity. The question is, why does this man keep marrying and chasing his wives away? Ịjụ ese will take care of it. Ọọ onye agwụ? Is he an impotent? Ịjụ ese will answer.

Since people now do traditional marriage in Lagos and Abuja after meeting someone by the road, they fix date and marry, tell me how she'd know he has family elsewhere.

Marriage in Igbo culture is an institution. You don't rush it. It takes a systematic approach. It is a process. You wonder why our parents and grandparents stay peacefully and overcome many challenges.

Don't you think that disregard to this cultural process play a high percentage of role in the high rate of divorce taking place in Igbo land today?

You meet someone, you want to show your mates and the society you are now Mrs or Mr. You want to wear the wedding gown, expensive clothes and flaunt your rings. You don't want societal pressure anymore. You want to just marry to be taken care of. You just want money or flashy things. This is not bad. The question is, are you blindfolded by the flashy things you are seeing, thereby forgetting to know who you are getting married to? His background?

Now you rush and marry, you begin to experience horrible things, going inbox to inbox telling people to hide your "ID".

Things have changed, I know. Time and season. We now see people on social media and get married to them. That's interesting. It's imperative we make background check too on them. Spend more money to travel , do a secret background check on the man you are getting married to. Do not be overcrowded by what you see here. That one sounds intelligent, wear good clothes, drive good car, have good house isn't enough.

This aspect of ịjụ ase is done by parents. You wouldn't even know. You too can do it. This is the reason in some part of Igbo Culture, they don't like marrying outside their community. The reason is that, they are checking into the families they know very well should anything happen, they'd know how to iron it out. Of course, this isn't a guarantee for a successful marriage. But it rocks their boats.

Men too should run a background check on who they want to marry. Let beauty, handsomeness, flashy things, wealth not overpower our sense of reasoning.

I know some women married to stupendously wealthy men but gasp for attention and love and happiness. They live like strangers in their own home. They are seeing money but they are not touching it, not feeling it. Such men entrap them, use Barbwire around them, fence them with CCTV camera even in their toilets. Slavery. You see why I do advise ladies, ask questions before you marry, don't jump into marriage to please your parents or anymore. If possible, of course it's pertinent you have something running for you before you get married even if you aren't rich, at least have a little thing for yourself. The man who Pampers you during courtship, buy you cars can wake up in the middle of marriage take away everything and chase you away. It happens. It has happened to many I know personally.

Ịjụ ase, a very important aspect of Igbo Culture. Remember, family or genealogical psychology is placed on check during this exercise. Do they have trace of madness or psychosis in their blood? Some men and women are psychoses. That's why you see someone you think he or she is lovely and caring switches like network and fluctuates even stab their spouse over a little disagreement. Who still check this now?

We all want to marry because we have come of age. Age is against us. We are reaching our menopause and womenpause. We no longer have options or choices. Anything can go so that family, friends and society will not disturb us again.

Nwanne, jụọkwa ese!